SEX ADDICTION AND THE SEX INDUSTRY WILL ULTIMATELY DESTROY YOU.
JESUS CHRIST CAME TO HEAL YOUR PAST, YOUR PAIN, SHAME, SORROW, AND DESPAIR. YOU ARE LOVED BY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER - JOHN 3:16-17
I WAS A CALL GIRL. THIS IS MY STORY...
"What God Has Done For Other's He Can Do For You!"
By Susan S.
My lifestyle seemed glamorous, at first. But after that first night things quickly faded, as I realized it was just a job. With each client, it took a piece of my soul and led me to destruction. See, I didn’t know it back then, but there was a spiritual force (Ephesians 6:12) that was making my lifestyle look like candy. Candy always tastes good but there is a lot to be said how bad sugar is for the body. Eventually, my lifestyle led to the loss of my marriage and my first born son. But it wasn’t that simple. Eventually, I ended up in jail and I didn’t know who the father was. My son was just a baby; he was only 4 months. I can still remember the scent of his baby lotion. His new crib had barely been slept in. He was my shoulders comfort.
The worst day of my life was 20 years ago. To this day it brings tears to my eyes, every time my memory takes me back in time to when I surrendered him to adoption. I cried my heart out for the next 20 years of my life. This was my consequence, the raw stuff, the real deal of my addiction. That candy tasted sour and I no longer wanted it in my mouth. Ever!
So this is where the happy the story ends. Get real and live happily ever after. That’s how it’s supposed to go, right? But what happens when that candy is tempted in your face for the next breathing years of your life, then what? How far do you go to achieve your dream of not eating it?
My friend, you cannot do it without God. I would be lying to you if I told you that you would never again be tempted. It is a continual, work in progress with learning new habits and behaviors. It has been said that dieting is a life-long change, not just a short term diet. I thought that was where my life had ended. But that was where my life began. God knew all that it would take to finally break me to bring me to my knees…. with my eyes up and toward Heaven. I chose the road that led me into that jail. God chose the road that led me out. I encourage you to endure and pray this prayer below.
FORMER CALL GIRL'S PRAYER...
Help me to accomplish not giving into my addiction. I’m tired of this scene and I want this more than anything. I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me. I fully realize that I don't have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my urges, temptations, questions, tiredness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering and willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mind sets, and automatic reactions and make me patient, kind, gentle, self-controlled, not envious or boastful, nor arrogant or rude. Show me how love does not demand its own way (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Give me a new heart and work within me to love the life you’ve given me, and all things that you created me to be.
Show me where there is sin in my heart, especially with regard to giving into this temptation. I confess the times when I've just wanted to put this issue aside and go back to my old, familiar ways. Rescue me from the threshold of separation where the realities of temptation begin. Make me my companion’s helpmate, champion and friend. And if my journey should lead me to confusion, show me what unconditional love really is. Teach me to accomplish loving only my best friend and how to be successful at it.
Make me a new person, Lord. Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with the second chance you've given me. Help me to see my current relationship with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new commitment and new compassion. Give my helpmate a whole new companion, and Lord; let it be me.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
By Synthia Esther
"Why does my sexual drive plague me?"
Each of us has an inner spirit that tells us when we are doing something wrong. The more we ignore the inner Holy Spirit's conviction and witness, the softer it speaks to us. Until one day it doesn't speak at all. It is as if the volume is turned off. Without the Holy Spirit's warning system within the heart and mind, there is no conviction.
It is then that we are most susceptible to the powers of darkness as we continue to feed our flesh and fuel our mind's thought processes with sin filled pleasure. God's still small voice of warning is ignored, being replaced by faulty sexual programing such as pornography. You may convince yourself "What's the harm? I'm not hurting anyone. No one will ever know."
GOD'S BIBLICAL WARNING:
Proverbs 5:21-23, "For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and He examines all his paths. (22) The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. (23) He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly."
Sex addict's have grandiosity at their heart's core. Listen to what the word of God declares about such self-seeking, self-serving, bias behavior...
"And you felt secure in your wickedness and said, 'No one sees me,' Your wisdom and your knowledge, they have deluded you; For you have said in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one besides me.' But evil will come on you Which you will not know how to charm away; And disaster will fall on you For which you cannot atone, And destruction about which you do not know Will come on you suddenly." - Isaiah 47:10-11
I ask God to forgive me every time I yeild to sexual temptation. Aren't we covered by grace? Isn't this all I have to do?
Yes, we as Christains are covered by God's grace and mercy. However, if we truly are repentent we will daily die to our sins. We will also "flee" from situations that may cause us to be tempted. For many sex addicts to flee such temptation means no television, no computer, no going to the store alone due to the temptation to buy a pornography magazine.
You may have to make a job and/or career change, seek 24/7 accountability, and any other changes deemed necessary in resisting sexual temptation. A sex addict explained his confession process; "I was addicted to sex,cybersex, pornography,prostitutes, and quit for a while, but now am struggling with sexual lust and temptation again. This is what works for me, and I am going to do it again starting "tomorrow" right after confession. Whoo-hoo, yeah, my sin is covered by grace!" This is an example of wicked false repentance.
The grace of God is given upon true repentance of sin. "The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his life" - Proverbs 16:17. "The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to Him" - Proverbs 15:26. Be forwarned. God will not let your sin continue without HIS holy intervention. Your sins will find you out! "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding" - Psalm 111:10. Faith without works is dead. Willingness without action is fantasy. No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other... - Matthew 6:24.
"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." - Proverbs 28:13
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater-has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." - Ephesians 5:3-5
How do I know if I am addicted to sex and pornography?
Your actions prove your seeded behavior programs. What you seed you feed. Do you keep secrets from your spouse or significant other concerning your sexual activities? Do you lead a double life? Are you looking for sexually arousing pictures, articles, people, places and things? Do you find yourself thinking about sexual fantasies with other women, men, infants, children, young teenagers, or animals?
Do you think about having sex with other people when you are with your spouse or significant other, because they no longer excite you? Do you distance yourself form your spouse right after having had sex with her/him? Do you use and abuse your spouse performing "Body Masturbation" (essentially using her/his body to masturbate while thinking of someone else), instead of intimate, love bonding sex?
Do you find yourself seeking out new sexual highs through dating and social networking sites, pornography, cybersex, strip clubs, massage palors, and/or prostitutes? Do you often feel shame, guilt, remorse, and are you burdened by your sexual obsessive compulsions and acting out?
Do you feel your life is chaotic and out of control, hopelessly consumed by your sex drive? Does your obsession with sex and your behavior contradict your moral and spiritual beliefs? Do you take high risks going places, doing things that could hinder your current relationship as well as your spiritual relationship with God?
Are you in fear of your spouse or significant other finding out who you really are? Does your sexual or romantic behavior ever leave you with a feeling of hopelessness, detactched and alienated from others? Do you feel suicidal due to your sexual compulsions? Is your preoccupation with sex taking up more of your time? Is your job at risk? Have you ever been arrested or could be arrested due to sexually acting out? Eamples being voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, incest, pedophilia - sex with children, bestiality - sex with animals, stalking, up-skirting, rape, murder, snuff or crush videos, sexual torture, etc...?
Do you spend money to pay for sex or buy and collect pornography, sex magazines, or blow up dolls made for sex? Do you compartmentalize your emotions and relationships? Do you often experience inner rage, or manifest anger and rage, hit or physically, emotionally abuse your spouse or significant other? Do you manipulate, deceive, lie, cheat to get sex? Do your conversations with others contain sexual jokes, sly remarks or comments about sex?
Does your sexual behavior, habits seem to be escalating and controlling your life? Do you feel unstable, emotionally void, bored, incomplete, without your sexual fantasies and acting out? Do you feel your entitled to indulge in your sexual obessesive compulsive behaviors?
Do you seek out of town and state jobs in order to conceal your secret double life? Have past relationships ended due to your sexual behavior and compulsions? Do you feel you are asexual, with no sexual feelings? Do you feel shame about your own body, sex organs, or sexuality?
If you answered yes to any of these questions I encourage you to read and study our free, in depth educational articles pertaining to sex and pornography on the www.sexhisway.com website., from a born again Christian perspective. As always, God's word should always be our guide in life, and you will find many supporting Biblical principles relating to this very sensitive subject matter. Jesus Christ truly is is the Bondage Breaker!
Why can't I control my sexual urges?
Are you addicted to the sexual hunt? Are you a sex, love or romance addict in search of a new sexual conquest? When a person lays a foundation of sexual lust as their primary relationship guide, they will "never" experience the true unity of love between husband and wife the way God intented it to be. "In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who guards his soul stays far from them." - Proverbs 22:5 Remember,"What you seed, you feed" - Synthia Esther.
Or as Dr. Faye Snider states, "What we imprint, we repeat." After years of seeding and feeding your sexual lust, marital sex cannot compare with the fantasy. Nor can a vagina compete with the tight grip of the hand used during solo-sex masturbation. When masturbating to a sexual fantasy, pornography or image, the orgasm experienced serves to anchor or reinforce the deviant fantasy. I site R.J. McGuire, et. al, Sexual Deviation As Conditioned Behavior, Behavior Research & Therapy, 1965: vol. 2, p. 185.
According to McGuire, "As a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet, the pleasurable experiences endow the deviant fantasy with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act." There is a simple solution. Don't plant, water, and cultivate the wrong seed into your heart, mind and soul. You can change what you feed upon. Feed upon God's word, for it is living and active. When you feed on HIS word, day and night, seeking HIS wisdom (Proverbs Chapter two, three, and four), you will find God's providential truth, wisdom, and knowledge.
How do I avoid sexual temptation before it starts? God gave us His letter of instruction, the Bible, which outlines the triumph plan.
"The Triumph Plan"
THE TRIUMPH PLAN: The first step to over coming your temptation and addiction to fantasy, lust, and deviant behavior is to admit you are sexually enslaved and addicted. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. How long have you indulged your sexual obsessive desires? How many years have you programed your mind with lust, objectified women/men, children, and even animals for those within the stronghold of bestiality?
How long have you played instant recall and visualized your fantasies? How long have you had sex with your wife, while thinking of sex and pornography idols? This is called "Body Masturbation." These are satanic strongholds on your heart, soul, and mind. God can heal you from addiction strongholds in the blink of an eye. However, He knows your heart, mind and soul, and whether you would once again yield to sexual lust and temptation.
Jesus Christ defeated sin on Calvary's Cross. He is the bondage breaker in that He rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins - Colossians 1:13. In order to overcome sexual temptation, truth (no secrets Eph. 5:11-12), love and obedience to God's word must prevail.
To obey is better than sacrifice - 1st Samuel 15:22. Resist the devil and he will flee from you - James 4:7. We resist Satan by standing firm in our faith, being self-controlled and alert - Peter 5:8-9. Alert is defined as being in a condition of heightened watchfulness or prepration for action. A readiness, warning, signal to be attentive. We strive to live a sanctified life, lead by the conviction of the Holy Spirit and armed for battle with the power of God's word.
Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Know in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you. You will reap what you sow in life. Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in His ways and revering Him - Deuteronomy 8. You have to master your lustful spirit. You cannot have "eyes" full of adultry and never stop sinning.
You cannot mouth boastful words..."I have prayed to God to heal me of sexual lust but He hasn't" and/or "I have tried a twelve step program, counseling but it didn't work for me." You are feeling sorry for yourself playing the victim to your own self inflicted sin. You cannot continue to indulge in your sin and fleshly temptation and not suffer guilt once you know the truth. A man is a slave to whatever has mastered him - 2nd Peter 2:19.
If you have escaped the corruption of the world with all its short term pleasure, and know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ but are again entangled in it and overcome, you are worse off in the end than at the beginning! It would have been better for you not to have known the way of rightesouness, than to have known it and then turn your back on the sacred command passed onto you. Of them the proverbs are true: "A dog returns to its vomit" and "A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud" - 2nd Peter 2.
If you have lived your life this way it is time to draw the line in the sand, never crossing over it again. If we claim to have fellowship with God yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth - 1st John 1:6. The choices you make today are the realaties of tomorrow! The triumph plan is simple, run from temptation just like Joseph did - Genesis 39:11.
I try to quit acting out sexually but just keep making the same mistakes. I have prayed for God to remove my lust and temptation...why hasn't He done so?
Are you angry with God because you are tempted? No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. Sexual temptation is common to man. No one takes your penis out of your pants and sticks it where it doesn't belong.
You are the one who decides by your
own freewill to go to prostitutes, and/or view pornography and act out sexually. It is you alone who commits these crimes of evil. God is not going to remove temptation from your life, as He has provided you with the freewill to flee from it! Listen to what the Lord told Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but 'you' must master it."
Instead of listening to God's advice and instruction Cain went out into the field in anger and rebellion, attacked his brother Abel and killed him - Gen. 4. Was God to blame for Cain's sin by not removing Abel from Cain's course of evil, murderous intent? This is the message you heard from the beginning; We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his "own" actions were evil and his brother's were righteous - 1st John 3:11-12.
No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God - 1st John 3:9-19. To love God is to obey His commands - 1st John 5:3. YOU MUST MASTER YOUR SIN. Faith without works is dead.
God isn't going to zap you into shape. He expects you to zap yourself in spiritual obedience to His word, which is your strength! "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.
Everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him to whom we must give account" - Hebrews 4:12-13. "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful man is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" - Romans 8:5-8. Sin and rebellion against God begin and end in the mind. In order to defeat sin we are to renew our minds with the word of God. "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word" - Psalm 119:9.
How do I keep from sinning against God?
You submit and surrender your life and will to God, living according to His word. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might now sin against you" - 119:11. "I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word" - 119:16. "Let your eyes look staight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil" - Proverbs 4:25-27. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" - Proverbs 4:23. GOD HAS PROVIDED YOU A WAY OUT. IT IS UP TO YOU TO TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD.
I don't really have an addiction to sex and pornography. There is no harm in just looking is there?
If you look in lust, you partook. Matthew 5:28, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lust-fully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." What you see with your eyes is a gateway to the mind and soul. Your seeded memories color your outlook, and the world in which you live. When you change the way you look at people and things, the things and people you look at change.
Instead of looking with sexual intention, you see humanity and the world around you through the eyes of God's holy love and spiritual significance. The girls and women your lusting after are someone's daughter. The boys or men your lusting after are someone's son. They are God's children, who are special in His sight. Not an object to be used and abused. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself? - 1st Corinthians 6:15. Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple - 1st Corinthians 3:16-17). We are God's temple.
Make a decision to love, not lust. Repent today, for tomorrow may be too late!
Copyright - Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.