Male dominance . The bible has a lot to say about dominance (Eph. 5:22-25; 1 Cor. 11:8-9).

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS NOT GOD'S WAY - BY SYNTHIA ESTHER

POWER AND SEX

- ALGOPHILIA, ASTHENOLAGNIA, MASOCHISM AND SADISM -

By Synthia Esther

Turning pain into pleasure may first appear in childhood with fantasies of sexual sadism and/or sexual masochism (Johnson & Becker, 1997). The sadistic acts often become a behavior pattern that develops by early adulthood (APA, 200, 1994). The pain/pleasure pattern can then hold longevity. Sadistic acts of cruelty may stay at the same level, but most often become more severe over the years (Santtila et al., 2002). Ronald J. Comer writes in the Fifth Edition of his book "Abnormal Psychology", pg. 427, "Some behaviorists believe that classical conditioning is at work in sexual sadism.

While inflicting pain, perhaps unintentionally, on an animal or person, a teenager may feel intense emotions and sexual arousal. The association between inflicting pain and being aroused sexually sets the stage for a pattern of sexual sadism. Behaviorists also propose that the disorder may result from modeling, when adolescents observe others achieving sexual satisfaction by inflicting pain.

'The many sexual magazines, books, and videotapes in our society make such models readily available (Seto, Maric, & BGarbaree, 2001; Lebegue 1991). There are also specialty clubs like the Power Ex-Change Club in San Francisco and The Green Door in Las Vegas. Psychodynamic and cognitive theorists view people with sexual sadism as having underlying feelings of sexual inadequacy; they inflict pain in order to achieve a sense of power or control, which in turn increases their sexual arousal (Rathbone, 2001).

Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame and Jon Jacobs wrote the book "Different Loving" giving first hand personal insights into the D & S lifestyle, which even comes with a warning label. It reads; "Readers should not attempt any of the activities described in these pages." Ifantilism, depersonalization, spanking, flesh hooks, genital piercing, scarification are just a few of the many topics covered. Algophilia, the arousal from experiencing pain, Asthenolagnia, arousal from weakness or humiliation, Masochism, the ability to transfer emotions of pain to erotic feelings, and Sadism, the empowerment or arousal from injuring others, all play in various ways, a part in the human psyche of Dominant and Submissive participants.

DANGEROUS INTENT - TOPS DISEASE

Role playing, bondage, violet wands (a device used for the application of low current, high voltage with min 10kV to max 50kV, high frequency), torture, and pain are often a part of the Dominance and Submission (D/s), interplay of customs, rituals, power and control. Doms (male), Dommes (female), and Masters (a higher level Dominate of a strict order), with their submissive slaves, are said to agree on a "Safe Word" to be used as a safe guard for both physical and emotional boundaries.

Other considerations in the D & S lifestyle, or play scene, can include consent and slave contracts which expound on the mutual agreed upon limits and boundaries. Dominant's are also regarded by some D & S participants as teachers. Sexual objectification of submissive slaves, detachment, victimizing, and a lack of empathy by a dominant master turned ego manic, is termed as "Top's Disease", as they begin to view themselves as infallible. This grandiose, egocentric, omnipotent mindset has been at the core of many dominant's turned evil, with skewed self-image, shallow emotions, and dangerous intent. Such personality processes produce an abnormal dark affect, with a lack of emotional depth.

Alfred Adler (1870-1937), the founder of individual psychology, coined the term inferiority complex to describe people who have feelings of inferiority and compensate for them with a drive for superiority. Controlling others may help reduce personal inadequacies - Criminology, Ninth Edition, Larry J. Siegel, pg. 152. Jeffrey Dahmer satisfied his need for power and control through his sexual longings by picking up boys and young men for sex, whom he then drugged and tortured. Eventually Dahmer killed his victims and dismembered their bodies. He so desired submissive partners, he would try to turn some into living zombies by injecting acid into their brains.

When police searched his apartment they found "five dried and lacquered human skulls and a barrel containing three male torsos; an electric saw stained with blood, and a drum filled with acid which Dahmer had used to dissolve his victims bodies. In the freezer was a human head and a box containing human hands and genitals. The meat was neatly wrapped in the refrigerator, Dahmer later allowed, was also human - waiting to be eaten the way he preferred it, with mustard" - 100 Most Infamous Criminals, Jo Durden Smith, pg. 80.

Dahmer is not an isolated case. Dennis Rader, Albert DeSalvo, Albert Fish, Gary Heidnik, William Heirens, Ed Kemper, Ed Gein, Ted Bundy, are just a few Americans with sadism at their core. Andrei Chikatilo, Russia's most notorious murderer, was a well mannered schoolteacher. Between 1978 and 1990, Chikatilo had committed at least fifty-three murders of women, children and drifters. Power, blood, sex, torture and death were his sadistic pleasures. Chikatilo was executed in February 1994, by a firing squad.

Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka have been referred to as the married Barbie and Ken Canadian Sadist team. Paul, the Dom, had a willing accomplice in his wife Karla, as he had her play the submissive role wearing a dogs choke collar, and submitting to being strangled with a wire cord to satisfy his sadistic fantasies.

Both Paul and Karla took part in drugging their victims, including Karla's sister Tammy, before committing their horrific sadistic crimes of rape and murder. Paul wanted to deflower Tammy, a virgin, and Karla was more than happy to help him do so, as a present to Paul. Tammy died during their crime of sadistic torture, one of many victims. The prosecution's 1993 deal with Karla was a 12 year prison sentence in exchange for her testimony against her husband, Paul. On Sept. 1, 1995, Paul Bernardo was convicted on all charges against him.

Richard D. Davis, 44, of Independence, Missouri was found guilty of first degree murder in kidnapping, rape, sodomy and assault in the May 2006 videotaped torture death of 41 year old Marsha Spicer also from Independence. Davis and his girlfriend Dana Riley, was also charged with capitol murder, kidnapping, rape, sodomy and assault of 36 year old Michelle Huff - Ricci. According to a CNN report, Davis showed no emotion as the verdict was read. Prosecutors say that Davis and Riley made tapes of the attacks and murders of Spicer and Huff - Rucci to fulfill Davis' violent sexual fantasies. The graphic DVD recordings showed Spicer's death. Jackson County Prosecutor Tammy Dickinson told jurors that Davis held Spicer down at his apartment while Riley sat on Spicer's face and smothered her. Defense attorney Tom Jacquinot urged jurors to find Davis guilty of second degree murder as the slaying was not planned but instead Davis became caught up in his own horrible fantasies about killing.

Cameron and Janice Hooker kidnapped Colleen Stan (aka Carol Smith), who spent the next seven years as Cameron's slave. Janice and Cameron even had sex while Colleen hung suspended above them after enduring a brutal beating and torture session. Cameron had a voracious pornography addiction that included S & M torture and violence and was fond (according to news reports), of "The Story O". As Cameron's slave, Colleen was locked in ventilated wooden boxes, tortured, electrocuted, beaten, repeatedly assaulted and made to live in a wooden box crafted by Cameron underneath the couples water bed. Janice gradually started seeing the light, as she read the bible and began attending a Nazarene Church. She then helped Colleen escape Cameron's grasp, sadistic torture and emotional brainwashing. Cameron Hooker was found guilty of ten felony counts, including rape, and other sex offenses. He showed no emotion when read his sentence.

SYNTHIA ESTHER DEFINES THE "S & F" FACTOR OF ADDICTION

The few examples quoted of lust murders are not informal fallacies pertaining to the documentation of possible top's disease nor are they of converse accident. When one person desires or strives to gain sexual power over another, or submits to another in sexual servitude, they usually experience an emotional and physical high as they learn to equate humiliation and pleasure from pain. As an example I relate the D & S activity of using enemas and golden showers (urinating on another person), which after repeated practice, no longer achieves a desired erotic high for the participants.

A been there done that mindset of the sexually addicted can and often does continue to escalate in order to maintain or gain a new sexual plateau. In this case perhaps the activity would escalate to include fisting, or hand balling (the penetration of the anus or vagina with a hand or fist), which is a medically dangerous activity. The need to rely on heavy, high risk erotic power exchange, termed as "Edge Play" according to those involved within the D & S lifestyle, becomes what I define as the "S & F" Sexual Addiction Factor.

"By visual, mental, and repeated physical anchoring and reinforcement, usually by organism, a paraphilia is seeded, implanted and programed into a person's psyche . The S & F Sexual Addiction Factor is that which you seed, and imprint within the mind and body, is that which you desire to feed in order to maintain the growth and ecstasy of the implanted, imprinted seed. This in turn allows a person to obtain a continual, auto-erotic processed mind program which produces more often than not, a dissociated, trance state of consciousness that can be induced by thought or transmitted by sound alone, even when not being physically acted upon. Once a psychological seed program is intact, the mind feed program within the psyche takes on a life of its own, with uncontrollable psychological triggers" - Synthia Esther.

I site R.J. McGuire, et. al, Sexual Deviation as Conditioned Behavior, Behavior Research & Therapy, 1965; vol. 2, p. 185. According to McGuire, "As a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet, the pleasurable experiences endow the deviant fantasy with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act."

This sexually deviant masturbatory conditioning response can endow any deviant fantasy. Rape, molesting children and animals, sexual abuse, torture, incest, and the list goes on ... A few other references supporting deviant masturbatory fantasy significantly affecting the habit strength of the subjects sexual deviation can be found in the work and research done by: D.R.Evans - Masturbatory Fantasy & Sexual Deviation, Behavioral Research & Therapy, 1968: vo. 6, pg. 17. B.T. Jackson - A case of Voyeurism Treated by Counter Conditioning, Behavioral Research & Therapy, 1969; vol. 7, pg. 133.

HURTING PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE

Getting high from a sexual fantasy come true offers an endorphin rush, filled with the chemical interplay of altered states of consciousness, which has often been referred to as "Subspace" by those within Sadomasochism circles. This "physical drug rush" can evolve and involve restraint, torture, mental and physical abuse, snuff (killing the human victim while video taping their death), or crush (using your feet as a weapon, while wearing high heels to crush and stomp an animal to death), by those with criminal intent.

Phillip Miller and Molly Devon's book, "Screw the Roses, Give Me The Thorns - The Romance And Sexual Sorcery Of Sadomasochism," (pg. 5), "We have a creed that we follow in S & M: Everything we do must be safe, sane, and consensual." While Miller and Devon's book relates such honored sentiments, they also admit in psychiatric parlance there are abusive people out there called wacko's, yet they proclaim the things done to each other are solely in the divine spirit of love and lust (pg. 6). Since when was lust a divine spirit? They also tout concerning D & S (pg.3), "This is a world in which the greatest kindness resides within cruelty." As applied to people, cruelty encompasses abuses, outrageous, and inhumane treatment that results in the wanton and unnecessary infliction of suffering upon the body or mind - Farlex Free Dictionary. The American Heritage School Dictionary defines being cruel as liking to cause pain or suffering; unkind; merciless: a cruel man. Abuse and merciless do not read like kindness to me. As is most often the case, hurting people, hurt people! So exactly who are the wacko's out there?

SUBMISSIVE REVENGE

Power and control both physically and/or mentally are not limited to D & S relationships. An abusive dominant partner can be seen in many relationships, be it work, marriage, or significant other, where their partner or spouse assumes a submissive, passive, role. Domestic violence is often a result of such power plays of human indignation. Mary Winkler shot her husband Mathew, the Pastor of Fourth Street Church Of Christ, in Selmer, Tennessee on March 22, 2006, in the back while he was sleeping in bed. Mary Winkler, 33, states on tape while crying during questioning by Alabama officials; "Its just a lot of stupid stuff. I love him dearly, but gosh, he just nailed me in the ground. The first of our marriage I just took it like a mouse, didn't think anything different. My Mom just took it from my Dad, that stupid scenario." Mathew had a pornography addiction, and often required his timid, submissive wife to wear a wig and sexy platform high heels like the women prostitutes and porn activist he often watched. He also made her submit to sexual activity she never felt comfortable doing. Mary Winkler was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter.

SEX AND THE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

People who turn to God as their loving, caring, warm, helpful, dependable friend, are found to be less lonely, pessimistic, depressed, or anxious than people without any religious beliefs or those who view God as cold and unresponsive (Koenig, 2002; Bergin & Richards, 2001; Clay, 1996). According to Gene Stainbrook, Ph.D., M.P.H., from the Center for Health Promotion, Research and Development at the University of Texas, "There are indications that helping others makes you happier and healthier." According to clinical psychologist Robert Mendelson, Ed.D., "Liking yourself gives you the emotional strengths you need to be able to give others."

Self-actualization and transcendence begins within our lives as we look at our own feelings and emotions, thoughts and behavior, realize we have a sin based nature in need of God's saving grace, mercy, and love *(John 3:16-17). In simple terms we seek the right path in life. Psalm 25:4-5."Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and search me." We no longer flaunt our authorty for we know by Christ's example (He gave His life on the Cross of Calvary, rose again on the third day, so we might live), whoever wants to be a true leader must be a servant (Matthew 20:25-26).

Those who place power and control, submission and dominance, master and slave relationships at the forefront of their love life, are stagnating their internal growth process by fueling their needs and desires from the emotional energy of others. They are striving to achieve deficiency needs from without, instead of from within their spiritual core. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...and now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love - 1 Corinthians 13:4-13.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might love through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. - 1st John 4:8-12.

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it; Love your neighbor as yourself" - Matthew 22:37-40.

* GOD IS ALL POWERFUL

"For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" - 1st Corinthians 4:20-21.

* If you do not know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, please visit our salvation page on this website: "A FREE GIFT"

___________________________

FORMER PRO-DOM TURNED CHRISTIAN GIVES HIS TESTIMONY ABOUT THE BDSM - DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION LIFESTYLE

By Synthia Esther

Synthia Esther : Jerry, thank-you for getting back to me...and...God bless you for speaking the truth about D & S addiction bondage.

Jerry: I was Dom as a Pro. True, Pro Doms generally are "NON-SEXUAL" but the scene still revolves around LUST and much of the play is degrading, and can be very unsafe and extreme. There is nothing positive about being beaten until welts and marks are all or a person from caning, and I regret I did it! There are also very unsafe, unclean forms of play that goes on, and it now disgusts me. Believe me sister, I have been to NYC's notorious "Black & Blue Ball" before and I know all of the players in the biz. I was very into that scene, and I can tell you wholeheartedly, that it is demeaning, to both the Dom or the Sub, it doesn't matter.

Synthia Esther: Jerry, anything you could write and tell me would help...as your opinions come from a first hand basis.

Jerry: I have an issue with porn, and the adult industry in general. Whether it's porn, escorting, BDSM/fetish, stripping, etc... the adult industries do nothing but destroy. You know Synthia, what hurts me most is that some of the most good hearted and outgoing friends I ever had, were Pro Doms and people in the fetish/S &M scene. It's sad though, they are doing what they are doing, when they are better than that. Sure, you can post my testimony on your website. In Christ's Love, Jerry.

JERRY'S TESTIMONY

I became a believer (Christian), near the end of December 2006. Prior to changing my life to follow God, I lived quite a different life, a life that was wild, in vain, self-destructive, and with no promise of a future or any peace with life nor myself. I was once employed in the Adult/BDSM Industry as a Professional Dom, as well was I also once a Satanist. During the 1990's, I was a lead singer for a Death/Doom Thrash Metal band in Philadelphia called "Evil God Revival" which managed to be popular within the region. Obviously, the band was very satanic themed and anti-Christian, and at the time I lived a very reckless life. Prior to the band, I also was a Professional wrestler who graduated from Larry Sharps Monster Factory. My career as a wrestler was short lived, only 2 years (1989-1991) but for what it was worth, it was a fun part of my life and I met a lot of people in that Industry.

However, as most of my ventures in life, I still had not found my identity nor my purpose. I was a very lost man struggling to be someone, always concerned with what the world thought of me as I had tremendous low-self esteem and always suffered with Bipolar/Manic depression. I was abused as a child and young teen, and as many who suffered abuse, I became an abuser myself, taking my hostilities out on other people. Being manic, I had severe rage issues in my past, and there were even times in my life when I had thoughts of suicide.

I do share my faith with others and am always prepared to explain why I believe. While I will never come across with condemnation toward others, I will however defend my faith. I will defend it because I believe. Some are bewildered that I now believe in and walk after a God I formerly resented, blasphemed, mocked, and never even was sure existed, but I do! I believe wholeheartedly that there IS a God, and I believe what the Bible says about God is true. A decade ago, I had no regard for the Bible, but now I will defend the Bible no matter what, and I am NOT ashamed of the God I honor and serve.

My becoming who I am was not premeditated in any way, it just happened. I cannot explain why I would change like this, but I have changed and the only thing that could cause a man as myself to do such a complete turn around, is GOD. Yes, God does exist, make no mistake about it, and I also believe in the Christ! At one time, I was what I would consider as an agnostic when it came to God, but I was very influenced by the Occult also and I was into a lot of LaVey Satanism. Later however, I researched Theistic Satanism as well, and other various paths of spiritualism and occultism including: Golden Dawn, Theosophy, Western Paganism, Ordo Templi Orientis, and the Keys of Solomon. But with all of this being so, nothing has awakened my spirit more so then the living God spoken of in the Bible. I believe with all of my mind, all of my heart, and all of my spirit, that God does in fact exist, God is real, and God is ONE. There are no "gods" but the true living God, the one the ancient Hebrews wrote about and spoke about, this IS God!

God is my refuge, God is my comfort, God is my helper, and God is my encouragement! God provides ALL I need, and it is only in GOD I place my full trust, dependence, and hope! God is my strength and all things are possible with God. Amen .

Synthia Esther Responds:

Jerry turned his heart over to the one true God, Jesus Christ. Only He can save a lost soul in need. His testimony confirms that no matter one's past may have been, God forgives. Indeed we are ALL SINNERS saved by God's grace, mercy, and love (Eph. 2:8). God loves you with an everlasting love. Nothing is too difficult for God to heal. Nothing and No One (even Satan) can separate you from God's love and forgiveness. Just talk to God as you would a friend. For that is what He is, a friend upon whom you can depend. May the truth of God's light set you free from a life of bondage. May God's peace and love surround you. I care. God care's about "You"!

What is most obvious concerning Jerry's personal testimony is his care and concern for those still caught up in the sex industry. They remain in bondage to the S&M addictions because such activities fill a deep void in the life. While I have personally never been in the sex industry, my life path led me to care and reach out to them in very special ways. What is most common in many of their personal backgrounds is that their parents were not of the Christian faith. Many came from very dysfunctional families. For example: One former prostitute I befriend, was placed into the sex industry by her step father! God only knows the scope of a sex industry workers secret pain. Please pray for their salvation - because Jesus Christ loves them so very much! (John 3:16-17).

Another most obvious point of truth, is that many sexual deviants into the S&M life style are also into the occult and Satanism. Their master only seeks to kill and destroy them (John 10:10). I invite you to visit my website: www.sacredpursuit.org, to gleam wisdom and knowledge about such occult - metaphysical, paranormal deceptions. What was once termed the New Age occult Movement, has gone mainstream. Beware. Has God not said that His people are destroyed due to lack of knowledge? (Hosea 4:6).

MUTUAL SEXUAL EXPRESSION IN MARRIAGE IS A GOOD THING. GOD CREATED SEX TO BE AN INTIMATE EXPRESSION OF LOVE, AS TWO BODIES BECOME ONE FLESH.

Power and sex is a central ploy in many relationships. Nine and One-Half weeks, Fifty Shades of Grey, power and control, dominance and submission themes hold noted, deviant appeal for those attracted to such alternative lifestyles. Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me, is often cited with a devious grin by those who privately indulge in such erotic sexual activities.

I am often asked why write about such "secret" sexual subject matters? My answer is a simple one. God instructs us to seek out the answers to all life questions within His word. Sexual boundary issues and problems being subject matter many ministries shun.

I once attended a Christian dating/relating/singles conference at a well known, very large and popular, protestant church in Atlanta, Ga.. One of the courses available for the taking concerned what God had to say about relationships and sex. To my surprise, the husband and wife team instructors said in summary, "not much." Obviously, they did not research the Biblical subject matter in depth, for God has said a lot about sex and relationships within His word.

God created sex. It is His desire that we have a great sex life (within the holy, ordained bonds of marriage). Perhaps these conference instructors felt they did not have the liberty to speak about erotic sexual matters in a direct way. When those in church ministry offend the flock, the money flow most often ends. I do not mean that in a derogatory way. Where you are being spiritual fed, you should tithe. There are bills to pay in every church.

Each ministry God ordains serves a spiritual purpose and plan, with eternal measures in sight. Synthia Esther Ministries is an outreach proclaiming God's word concerning sensitive subject matter, in answer to all we ponder. And sex is a subject matter that holds many inquisitive questions. The www.sexhisway.com website hopes to provide Biblical answers and spiritual insights concerning some of the following D/s sensitive questions:

* What is the psychological mindset of those who desire to explore the Dominance/submission (D/s), lifestyle? Is this life-style appropriate for Christians within the Holy Bonds of Marriage?

What a married couple does in the privacy of their bedroom is between them and God. For many the sexual act is a way to relieve stress and tension. However,t the most important factor to always remember is to show forth a mindful spiritual love connection, not a power play in the relationship .As God created sex to be an intimacy bonding experience between man and wife, not an abusive, harmful trauma ploy.

* What does God have to say about the exploration of our erotic sexual desires?

When our life is consumed with sex, idolatry takes a stronghold. While sexual expression in marriage is a personal choice, one's mate should never be placed in a fearful situation. Nor should they be made to do something they do not desire to do. Sexual expression should be a mutual experience.

Exodus 20:1-3, clearly states we are to always put God first in life, which means we are not to be in bondage, a slave to lustful sexual desires. As such, God's word, will, and ways, should always remain our number one priority in life. To live and love God's way, is to gain a peace that passes all understanding within our very soul (mind, will, emotions). We serve a Great God, who desires to give us a life filled with hope and a future (Jere. 29:11). Jesus Christ is the Bondage Breaker. "Stand in the liberty of Christ and be not entangled again with yoke or bondage" - (Galatians 5:1).

ABUSE IS NEVER JUSTIFIED. INCEST IS A MOST SERIOUS PROBLEM AND CRIME. SUCH INFRACTIONS AGAINST THE HUMAN SOUL HOLD LIFETIME TRAUMA BONDS. BY GOD'S GRACE, MERCY, AND LOVE, HEALING IS MADE POSSIBLE.

SEXUAL ABUSE AND THE SADOMASICHISM LINK

By Synthia Esther

July 28, 2009 - Update July 29, 2021.

Kathy, age 31, is a victim and survivor of childhood incest and abuse. Her parents divorced, with her father receiving sole custody of Kathy, because her mother was a drug addict, deemed unfit to help raise their only child. For years Kathy received mixed messages of good and bad, pain and pleasure, reinforced by her father's sexual abuse, advances, and arousal statements. Painful memories echo within Kathy's mind and body, "Are you Daddy's little nasty girl?" "You are such a little tease."

KATHY'S LIFE STORY IS NOT UNCOMMON...

Kathy raises her hands to her head as her fingers, adorned with chipped black nail polish, part her hair in a sweeping motion away from her face. She lowers her head in sorrow as tears begin to flow down her checks, conveying feelings she has bottled up for years. Kathy confides in anguish, "And so the spanking began, followed by painful sexual intercourse. My father's voice haunts my memories, his desire fuels my soul with shame. I was an innocent little girl. I wanted my father to love me, not have sex with me. The only emotional response I got from him was lust, not love! Never love."

Such projections of guilt were coupled with Kathy's natural pleasure sensations of sexual arousal and orgasm. Kathy explains, "My father liked to make me have orgasms. He thought he was the greatest lover. He bought me gifts and showered me with special attention, all to satisfy his sick, sexually deviant, perverted and distorted fantasies! In turn, I have grown up feeling intense guilt for enjoying sexual pleasure, his gifts, and the secret love affair he had with me, 'his little nasty girl.'

Because of my past I feel bad. Guilty of a crime I should not be paying for...but I am, each and every day. I am depressed, with emotional, mental, and physical scars due to past sexual abuse. I am insecure, emotionally void, and sexually promiscuous. Sometimes I just want to die, the pain is so unbearable. I use to cut myself, trying to release the pain. The D/s lifestyle suited my survivor mentality. I wanted to become dominant, so no one could ever hurt or control me again!'"

SEXUAL ABUSE AND THE SADOMASICHISM LINK

It is these types of sexually induced, embedded mixed messages within many abuse victims minds that act as a spring-board towards a life filled with sexually acting out. Wendy Maltz, M.S.W., "The Sexual Healing Journey - A Guide for Survivors of Sexual abuse," HarperPerennial (a division of Harper Collins Publishers), Pg. 114, explains, "Many survivors act out sexually after abuse. They may develop new, unusual sexual behavior such as compulsive masturbation, sadomasochism, or frantic sexual activity. This makes them feel worse and may fuel more extreme behavior yet. Survivors may go through periods of being sexually self-destructive. They may socialize with people they know could abuse them, participate in unsafe sexual practices, prostitute themselves, or use alcohol and other drugs that impair their judgment. Some survivors may even sexually abuse others or engage in deceptive sexual practices such

as having secretive affairs."

Maltz goes onto explain survivors feel so bad after acting out sexually they believe their actions "prove" they were bad to start with, deserving the original abuse. Sexually acting out often provides a means to replay the abuse, in an attempt to erase the pain.

The intense emotional scars left by sexual offenders is recognized by Dr. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D, a pioneer in the sexual addiction field. In his ground breaking book, "Don't Call It Love - Recovery From Sexual Addiction," Bantam Books, Pg. 127, Dr. Carnes explains the fusion of sex with associated feelings, "If early arousal patterns are connected to fear, loneliness, vulnerability, or neediness, victims as adults will always connect those feelings with sex. Many victims have trouble separating fear from the erotic,..."

Dr. Carnes goes on to expound, "Victims of sexual and/or physical abuse sometimes deliberately cut or burn themselves. These episodes are sometimes acts of self-hatred, other times reenactments of early trauma." For some victims pain has a vast erotic appeal, to the point where sexual pleasure can be escalated only by more severe pain, piercing, or flailing. Receiving physical harm or pain during sexual activity to intensify your sexual pleasure, and/or the desire to receive humiliating or degrading activities as part of sex, all serve as a form of emotional and spiritual repression.

Such maladaptive sexual responses do not serve to increase your emotional self-worth, or your spiritual health. Which is the tripartite nature of humanity, "mind, body, and soul." The greatest command by God is that we love Him above all else, and the second is that we love our neighbor as our self. This spiritual love extends to all.

EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL HEALING

God offers love, not fear. There is no fear in His love, because His perfect love casts out fear." - 1 John 4:18 While no human being is totally perfect in love, deed, and action, God is. To fear man is a dangerous trap, filled with sorrow. "But trust in God means safety." - Proverbs 29:25 Perhaps all your life you have been confronted and bombarded with fear, facing persistent attacks upon your heart, mind, and soul. Today is a new day in Christ Jesus our Lord. Each day in Christ is filled with hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11.

"Thou wilt show me that path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." - Psalms 16:11. God cares about your heartache, pain, and sorrow. His word declares, "They that sow in tears, reap in joy!" - Psalms 126:5 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths - Proverbs 3:6. What Satan meant for harm towards you, God will turn around for your good - Genesis 50:20. All because He loves you. - John 3:16

SEX GOD'S WAY - A HIGHER PURPOSE AND PLAN

In their book, "Intended for Pleasure - Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage," Fleming H. Revell, Pg. 22, Ed Wheat, M.D., and Gaye Wheat write, "Let us realize how the bodies of men and women are designed. Even in the sex act itself we are reminded that this is a relationship of persons, not just bodies, for it is no coincidence that man is the only creature of God's creation who relates sexually face-to-face."

The sexual union between a man and a woman is a divine act created by God, within the bonds of holy matrimony. Sexual intimacy serves a higher purpose and plan filled with spiritual dimensions. Only when submitting to Christ can anyone live a true life-style of complete and total submission (Ephesians 5:21; 1st Corinthians 11:3).

For such is His kingdom, for such we were created, to worship and have fellowship with HIM. We are to bow our knees in idol worship to no other. The only thing that counts in our lifetime, is faith in God, expressing itself through love. - Galatians 5:6 To know God, is to love Him.

FREEDOM IN CHRIST

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1

SLAVES FOR GOD

"...Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?

Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:19-23

WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT GOD'S FREE GIFT OF SALVATION?

Please visit our resource page, "A Free Gift," on this website.