SEX & PORN ADDICTION

SEX & PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION - ENTRAPMENT BY SYNTHIA ESTHER

Sex is bad with a porn addiction. No female anatomy can compete with the tight grip of a hand.

I almost married a very successful professional, Ryan, who was a closet sex & porn addict. He proclaimed & lived his life as a devout 'Christian with a history of credentials to show for it, but led a secret, down low double life of sin. Much like Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, Ted Haggard, Ravi Zacharias, & other King Solomon sex addicted type hypes (reference: www.xxxhisway.com). Ryan was a war hero by day, & a lost sick sex addict by night, even preying on innocent minors! He was an opportune sex addict into men, women, & even children who just happened to embark upon his life's path. Ryan's sad plight I then left in God's hands. Upon which time God placed a burden within my soul to reach out to entrapped young girls & women in the grips of the sex industry. As founder of Synthia Esther Ministries, I have counseled & helped too many female sex industry workers to count. Some of which change their life course via sin's salvation plan, and God's grace, mercy & love (John 3:16).

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure (Jeremiah 17:9). The purpose of a human heart are deep waters (Proverbs 20:5). Only God, through and by the power of the Holy Spirit, can change anyone of us. We must by the grace of God, put on the armor He alone provides, in order to defeat Satan, the enemy of our soul (Ephesians 6). For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the power of the dark world rulers, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Lest the masters of deception prevail, via dark and vain human consort converts (reference: www.techchronicity.com).

PORNOGRAPHY FANTASY ADDICTION ARE AT CAUSE OF MANY HEINOUS, EVIL CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY:

Serial Killer Ted Bundy was executed for the murder of 12-year old Kimberly Leach. He has been noted and quoted offering up cause and effect details regarding pornography addictions grip upon his lost soul (mind, will, emotions). Except of Ted Bundy's quote is taken from Focus on the Family video -

Fatal Attraction:

"This is the message I want to get across. As a young boy, and I mean a boy of 12 or 13, I encountered...in the local grocery stores and in the local drug stores, the soft-core pornography that people call "soft-core'. ... I tell you that I am not blaming pornography. I am not saying that it caused me to go out and do certain things. And I take full responsibility for whatever I have done. ... That's not the question here. The question and the issue is how this kind of literature contributed and helped mold and shape these kinds of violent behavior. .... In the beginning it fuels this kind of thought process. Then, at a certain time it's instrumental - I would say crystallizing, making it into something which is almost like a separate entity inside... Once you've become addicted to pornography ...and this is a kind of addiction like other kinds of addiction - I would keep looking for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material.... You begin to wonder if maybe actually doing it will give you that which is beyond just reading about it or looking at it... I've lived in prison for a long time now and I've met a lot of men who are motivated to commit violence just like me. And without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography ....without question, without exception, deeply influenced and consumed by an addiction to pornography... The FBI's own study on serial homicide shows that the most common interest among serial killers is pornography."

GOD'S WORD PROCLAIMS IN JAMES 1:15, THAT ADDICTION'S PLAGUE UPON THE SOUL IS UNRELENTING:

"THEN, AFTER DESIRE HAS CONCEIVED, IT GIVES BIRTH TO SIN; AND SIN, WHEN IT IS FULL GROWN, GIVES BIRTH TO DEATH (JAMES 1:15; JOHN 10:10).

____________________________

DEAR MS. PORN

By Synthia Esther

* Dear Ms. Porn is dedicated to the wounded and abused wives or partners of sex and pornography addicts, and is based on true confessions from those I have personally interviewed or met in person. Including many infamous, now saved and redeemed sex industry workers. Also noted are the sexually trafficked innocents, who have become slaves within the demonically inspired, and infused sex industry.

Dear Ms. Porn,

Though you never knew me, I intimately knew you. Once I discovered your existence you managed to shatter all my dreams come true. Your naked anatomy and sensual expression is a memory that plays as if on cue. I had suffered emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, however, learning of you the pain was as profuse.

His secret love affair made everything too complicated to ever call a truce. I began to see you everywhere...on television, magazines, bill broads, marquee signs, grocery stores, movies, videos, and even sacred church. You called yourself hot and holy, yet your blatant seduction made me think I was cursed. I felt satanic oppression as sweeping depression became my perch.

Bestiality was a part of my husband's sexual obsession. Nellie, our family cat died, which prompted his evil confession. Innocent children and animals suffered from his demonic possession.

I faced Ms. Porn and deeply felt her scorn. Then I found out about Ms. Prostitution and swore evil vengeance as my constitution. My "ex" said you would never go away. I finally realized you were in our relationship to stay. There was no end to his sexual perversion and behavior. I cried out to God, "I thought you were my Savior!"

You were suppose to be a proclaimed sister in Christ, but instead it seemed your heart was the victim of a heist.

You called me a jealous Christian zealous, I called you a fake and someone who was untrue. As you sought to seduce my husband, while even sitting next to us on a church pew.

Your hooker and escort ads made me angry and want to stew. When the sexual trafficking of minors, became your regular brew. my anger vastly grew. You used abortion as a form of birth control, more times than a few. You took my husband's money, while our children's hunger only grew. Yet you were smiling and I was still crying forever feeling blue. I wondered where was God in all this, for you seemed to not even have a clue.

Feeling defeated and all so depleted, I slit my wrist with a knife to end the anguish and strife. After an hour I washed the blood off in the shower. It was then I remembered Calvary's Cross and its power! Once again the love of God became my strong tower.

Now I pray for the porn star, the stripper, and the addict. As they are seeking physical perfection, instead of God's Holy protection.

May you find light in the darkness, ever realizing the starkness, that a life without Jesus Christ is nothing but harshness.

I pray for your sons, your daughters, and even your pets. Building a bridge of unity through Christ's love brings nothing but the best.

Though my outward appearance may not be as fair or lovely as you. I pray you see the beauty of holy righteousness forever shining true.

Copyright - Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.

___________________________________

MEMORIAL TO EX-PORN, SEX FILM INDUSTRY WORKER, TURNED CHRISTIAN ACTIVIST: SHELLY LUBBEN

SHELLY LYNN "Roxy - her adult firm industry name) MOORE LUBBEN (May 18, 1966 - Feb. 9, 2019).

Documentation Source: Wikipedia.

I had interacted with Shelly Lubben, during my social media activism days, often defending her like Christian Biblical stance against the vexing sex-porn industry. As Roxy, she had worked in the sex - porn industry at the age of 24 (and also as a Prostitute) from the age of 18-26 . One of her customers got her pregnant, and she later gave birth to a daughter. Her published work,

"Truth Behind The Fantasy of Porn; The Greatest Illusion on Earth" : ISBN 978-1-4538-6007-6-Wikipedia cited.

Always there to help those in need via her "Pink Cross Foundation" work, Shelly went on to become an ordained Chaplain with the Order of Saint Martin, with a degree in Theological studies, and was a personal blessing to many, including myself.

God supernaturally changed Shelly's life, in very dramatic ways. However, her past emotional plight continued to plague her, as it is now known that she died due to prescription drug over-dose, and also battled alcohol addiction (Source: findagrave.com). As often is the case, sexual abuse is linked to many in the sex industry. Shelly noted in an interview with Howard Stern, and Deseret News, that a female classmate and her teenage brother had sexually abused her at the age of 9, in a swimming pool.

SYNTHIA ESTHER WEIGHS IN:

Sex God's way is good. Sex outside of God's ordained righteous order is harmful in many soul felt ways (Hebrews 13:4). As Satan, the deceiver comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). God help our future generations if they cannot see the difference between God's good, holy order for sex, and Satan's vexing, addictive sexual entrapments (1 John 3:8). Historical evidence regarding sex and fantasy addiction, with links to serious crime infractions are a well documented reality (reference the link below to learn more: www.xxxhisway.com)

SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. FANTASY ADDICTION IS REAL. JEFFREY EPSTEIN, ACCUSED SEX TRAFFICKER, COMMITTED HIS LIFE TO SATISFYING BOTH HIS AND CLIENTS SEXUAL NEEDS ONLY TO END UP DEAD IN PRISON. FEDERAL OFFICIALS CLAIM HIS DEATH WAS A SUICIDE. SEXUAL ENTRAPMENTS AND CRIME BRING ABOUT A NEVER-ENDING CYCLE OF DESPAIR.

SEX AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION DEFINED

By Synthia Esther

GUARD YOUR EYES, SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, WORK NO EVIL, IN JESUS NAME. LIVE A RIGHTEOUS AND HOLY LIFE FOR JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD AND BE BLESSED!

SEX ADDICTION DEFINED:

"Sex addiction is an uncontrollable need, obsessive desire, oppressive-escalating craving, and seeking, of sex and/or sexual activities such as pornography. Which an addict may compulsively indulge in, despite negative consequences. The mood altering latter stages of addiction produce a neuro-biological long lasting chemical change within the brain. These maladaptive self medicating behaviors are the sex addicts attempt to ease past and current pain. The real source of the problem lies hidden behind the behavior manifestations.'"

HYPOTHESIS: "ADDICTION IS AN EXTERNAL RESPONSE TO AN INTERNAL NEED, ACTIVATED BY FREE WILL." - SYNTHIA ESTHER

Biblical Definition of Addiction:

"When tempted, no one should say 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone, but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to death." - James 1:13-15.

The lack of intimacy bonding and attachment, as well as abuse in the sexual addicts early formative years, creates a thirst for a fix to fill their unmet needs of nurture, security, love, affirmation and acceptance. Jesus Christ is the only person who can fill your void and heal your broken heart. Synthia Esther Ministries seeks to provide free, biblical answers and insight that lead the reader towards repentance, salvation, sanctification, with keen God inspired spiritual solutions, that defeat addiction strongholds.

Many Christian's struggle in secret sin. Bondage to sex, pornography, and masturbation, have become strongholds that will ultimately destroy a person's life as sin thrives on secrets. There is hope! Jesus Christ is the bondage breaker who came to set the captive free, breaking the tie's that bind one's very soul (mind, will, emotions).

SEX AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION CAUSE AND AFFECT:

Sex addiction is a false substitute for love, providing a coping mechanism for inner pain and turmoil. Feelings of hopelessness abound, as an addicts secret fantasy life expounds. It is this escape method of the mind that Satan continues to use to his destructive advantage. "He who works his land will have abundant food but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment." - Proverbs 12:11.

As fantasy, rituals, and sexually acting out take over your thought process, your mind becomes fixated like a heat seeking missile with a guidance system towards sex. Almost everyone and everything is seen through the mind of sexual preoccupation and provocation. God knows the heart, mind and soul of humanity. Psalm 94:11, "The Lord knows the thoughts of man, He knows that they are futile."

Addiction is escalating, and uncontrollable.....

Addiction is an escalating, often uncontrollable need and desire, which when acted upon, causes a nero-biological long lasting chemical change within the brain. You make excuses for your destructive and irrational mood swings and behavior, because you don't want to give up your addictions, nor the coping mechanisms they provide. You remain in denial concerning your addictions and the problems they create. You like what the sexual lust demons do for you, so you desire to keep them.

You will continue to do so until your behavior causes you to bottom out, and come to your wits end. To continue in your destructive habits is to ensure your untimely demise spiritually, emotionally, and physically. You most likely feel unworthy of love, which is central to the addictive cycle of pain, shame, and remorse.

Many people may ask, "How can sex become an addiction without drug involvement?"

Sex is like a drug, in that it releases naturally occurring peptides such as endorphins, which correspond with the electro-chemical interactions in the brain.

Dr. Patrick Carnes writes in his book, Don't Call It Love - Recovery From Sexual Addiction, "These peptides parallel the molecular construction of opiates like morphine, but they are many times more powerful. We know that when experimental rats are habituated to morphine or heroin, they will go through much pain in order to obtain more. However, when the pleasure centers of the brain are stimulated, releasing endorphins, rats will go through even more suffering than they will for morphine or heroin."

Sex addict's have grandiosity at their heart's core. Listen to what the word of God declares about such self-seeking, self-serving, bias behavior...

Addiction holds the user captive. Jesus Christ came to set the captive free!

SATAN, AND HIS LURE

Scripture reveals Lucifer (Satan, the Devil), and his nature, and mission of deception. He transforms himself into an "angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14). So true with the mock up of porn stars, models who are air brushed to perfection with computer enhanced images. Perfect hair. Perfect body. Perfect smile and teeth. Perfect legs, breasts, and feet with just the right fetish arch! Angels of fantasy and delight. If you were to meet these "fake" beauty's and/or he-men in real life, most often they could not, and would not, live up to your expectations.

Yet in the world of fantasy, and sexual orgasmic dreams come true, you fill fulfilled, content, beyond your wildest imagination. Why is that? You have traded the truth for a lie, in one of Satan's master, deception plans. Sex is good, when sex is deviant! Sex is good, when sex is as wild as fifty shades of grey. Sex is good when it is illicit! Yet after your grand climax, you are left limp, dull, and void! That is until the next time you seek to indulge in the fantasy trap of sexual intoxication. Such is the trap of the greatest fantasy sex on earth!

I met a fellow, single Christian male, who just happened to have viewed my photos online. A certain flaw caught his attention in one of my photos (since removed), something simple, like a broken nail, and chipped polish, and he told me so. It seemed to bother him. Strange behavior for a Christian, I thought.

The more I got to know this man, the more I realized (it did not take long), that his actions were not that of a sincere believer. He indeed was a fantasy sex addict who viewed women as objects. While talking with him by phone, he began to speak in broken sentences, very strange in tone and inflection, and his breathing patterns changed. I suddenly thought intuitively, "He is masturbating while talking to me on the phone"!

I confronted him, and he admitted that he was indeed masturbating, and viewing my online photos, while we were talking. His phone sex was a sin betrayal, and I told him so! I distanced myself completely from this man. He is what I call, "A proclaimed Chrisitian who is in reality a Spiritual Poser!" Of which there are many.

Be aware, as this can and does happen. Christian Home School advocate and founder of the institute in basic life principals, Bill Gothard, was thought by one such female victim, to have done this very thing. - Read all about such sex addicts making the news, "Bill Gothard - Emotional Rape of the Innocent" By Synthia Esther - www.xxxhisway.com (as reported by recoveryingrace.org.)

When we betray loved ones, and those who are friends, or even acquaintances, we betray ourselves. As we will always reap what we sow (Galations 6:7).

What does God have to say about this self serving, lust, sin betrayal and behavior?

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you." - (James 4:7-8)

"In this same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." - (Romans 6:11-14).

"Then He said to them all; 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'" - (Luke 9:23)

* If you would like to learn more about God's plan of salvation (John 3:16-17), please visit our website page: "A Free Gift!"

Nothing is hidden from God. Luke 8:17, "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open."

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body" - 1st Corinthians 6:18.

GOD KNOWS THE SECRETS THAT YOU KEEP!

Sex addict's have grandiosity at their heart's core. Listen to what the word of God declares about such self-seeking, self-serving, bias behavior...

"And you felt secure in your wickedness and said, 'No one sees me,' Your wisdom and your knowledge, they have deluded you; For you have said in your heart, 'I am, and there is no one besides me.' But evil will come on you Which you will not know how to charm away; And disaster will fall on you For which you cannot atone, And destruction about which you do not know Will come on you suddenly." - Isaiah 47:10-11.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." - Proverbs 28:13.

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a man is an idolater-has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." - Ephesians 5:3-5.

Copyright - Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.

SYNTHIA ESTHER MINISTRIES ALSO PROVIDES FREE BIBLBICAL RESOURCES REGARDING RELIGION OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY INDUCTIONS AND CURRENT EVOLUTIONARY POWER OF THE AIR CONSTRUCTED AI ALGORITHEM ANTICHRIST INFLUENCESES:

Synthia Esther was the first Christian outreach to shout the true wake-up alarm concerning the diabolical, demonic,11:11 fake awakening deception (www.sacredpursuit.org) . If you desire to learn more about such science and technological insights in relationship to biblical tend times prophecies, please visit: www.techchronicity.com - Science and Technology induced Oneness Antichrists Doctrines and the New World Order.

Additional Free Synthia Esther Ministries resources include, but are not limited to:

WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.COM - WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.ORG,WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.NET, WWW.SACREDPURSUIT.COM, WWW.SACREDPURSUIT.ORG, WWW.SEXHISWAY.COM, WWW.XXXHISWAY.COM, WWW.TECHCHRONICITY.COM, - AS WELL AS MANY OTHER FREE ONLINE RESOURCES. IF LINKES ARE BROKEN PLEASE TYPE IN THE WEBSITE LINK DIRECTLY AND YOU WILL FIND US.

Synthia Esther Ministries: Reaching the world for Jesus Christ since 2007!

WHAT ABOUT MY SEX AND PORNOGRAPHY SIN VICE?

WHAT ABOUT MY SEX LIFE?

By Synthia Esther

4/20/2014- Updated July 28, 2021

Copyright - Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.

Sex addicts often lament, "I work hard, everyday, aren't I entitled to a stress relief that will ease the pressure of life's burdens? Pornography is my only indulgence. When I watch porn, look at porn, and masturbate, it helps me cope with the boredom and strife of everyday life. To be blunt, I do not know what I would do without my private porn stash and the sexual diversion and excitement it provides. My wife doesn't like to have sex. Having sex with my wife is like having sex with a dead fish. She is cold. Dead. Just lays there. When we do have sex the planets have to a line, with a quarter moon, so the light is dim.

Yes, I am exaggerating, however, sex with my wife is rare, and not at all exciting. The lights are out, with the covers pulled over us, in the same missionary position, every single time. I have sexual needs and desires my wife doesn't seem to need, desire, or wish to fulfill. Where is the love? On a side note, I have tried the romance approach, there is not a medical reason to abstain from sex, she just doesn't like sex!"

What about me? What am I suppose to do? Sex is exciting! Life would not be worth living without a vibrant sex life.

As a preface to these questions and answers, lets review what God's word says about adultery. Viewing pornography (as well as other sin forms of sexual pursuit, such as visiting massage parlors, prostitutes), which is seeking sexual interest with another person outside of the Holy marriage bed, is adultry (Matthew 5:27-28). And adultry not only destroys your sex life, it destroys your marriage! The intimacy is gone, plain and simple.

Even if your spouse doesn't know of your sexual double life, they feel it! The emotional connection has been lost and your spouse knows this in the spiritual sense. While you may think you are getting away with your sin actions, in reality, you are caught in the spiritual realm. Your soul cannot hide your sin. indeed your emotional chaos confirms your actions each and every day.

God allows the "spiritual" realm to be felt within a God fearing spouse, be they, male or female. What you want and what God wants come from two different perspectives. God is concerned with your spiritual growth. While a sex and pornography addict is often concerned only with the physical. Paradoxical as it may seem. When we live our life in submission to God's spiritual purpose and plan, the physical expression of our life becomes more spiritual.

We are in a war. The physical wars against the spiritual daily. The victor within this war, is the spirit and soul (mind, will, emotions) of man when allowed to be controlled by God. God desires to rule our soul and spirit, and by the power of His Holy Spirit we learn to allow Him to do so, walking by faith and not by sight.

God seeks to rule our heart by changing what we want to do, for what He wants to do within our life. In as much, we make a freewill choice, casting off every weight that besets us. We must honor Christ in all areas of our life which includes, but is not limited to, our sex life. This is the first step in loving God. What do you pursue and desire most in life? How we use our time, talents, affections, determines our course in life.

"What we feed, we seed. And that which we seed, we become" - Synthia Esther.

Plant your seed in God's Holy word, will, and ways. God is His word (John 1:1), and He alone is worthy. As I can personally attest, "The power of the gospel will overshadow your desire for a vibrant sex life."

Doesn't God promise to satisfy all our needs? Sex is a need, is it not?

Sex is a secondary desire, not a need. If placed in a life or death situation one would not be thinking about having sex. We must be careful not to confuse our desires with our needs. Food, water, shelter, are first priority life and death needs. While men do produce more testosterone, and crave sex more often than many women. Sex is not a life sustaining need. God promises to take care of us, His children. Proverbs 10:8, Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. Ecclesiastes 1:8, confirms no matter how much we have we are never completely satisfied and content.

Why? Because we have a sin based nature. When our soul (mind, will, emotions), becomes hungry. We often feed it with our sin based desires. Sex and pornography, drugs,alcohol,video games, shopping, etc...., instead of feeding our soul God's spiritual food. Reading God's word is living and active. Prayer, praise, worship, brings forth the power of God's Holy Spirit, inturn filling you with peace, joy, contentment. Seeking to help others, giving instead of taking. John 4:14, Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within, giving eternal life. We learn, with God's help, to redefine our needs and desires. We learn to see God face to face and be satisfied (Psalm 17:15). God will satisfy our thirst and instead fill our hunger with good things (Psalm 107:9). .

What does God's word have to say about our sexual needs and desires?

Mark 8:34, Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples (Jesus) said, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." Galatians 2:20, "My old self has been cruified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. When a person comes to Jesus Christ in complete surrender they want and desire God's will. While setting aside self promoting ambitions concerning your sex life.

You learn to work on your own personality problems (spiritual,emotional, physical), asking God to show you how to best love your wife. While praying for your marriage, family, and sex life to heal. Matthew 20:28, Even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. 1 Corinthians 10:24, Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others. Philippians 2:3, Don't try to change your wife (the only person you can really change is yourself), ask God to help you both concerning your sex life, think of each other instead of your selfish desires. As James 3:16 confirms, Wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there will be disorder and evil of every kind. Give your sex life to Jesus Christ. He alone will provide you with a "love" that passes all understanding.

Why doesn't my wife like to have sex with me?

Let me be honest, only your wife can answer this question. I have talked with many women about their marriage and sex life. Aside from being tired, because many married women with children are tired and worn out from the daily grind. It has been my experience, when a woman doesn't want to have sex with her husband there is most often a desire not met, and/or fear involved. Women who have been sexually, emotionally, and/or physically abused in their past, often fear sexual intimacy.

Some women fear getting pregnant. This fear based mind set takes a whole lot of patient love to overcome. As a partner to your wife, getting past this fear is a primary first response. There are also many women who quite simply don't enjoy the mechanical vibe pertaining to sex, that their husbands often exude.

An animalistic approach to sex is not romantic, exciting, nor filled with love. When a man has sex on his mind (watching and looking at pornography increases lustful sexual desires), he may often have a demanding attitude. This too may be a sexual turn off, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

There are also times when unresolved anger hampers a couples intimacy. All of which could lead your wife to develop a sexual aversion to having sex with you. God instructs us to not sin by letting anger control us. We are not to let the sun go down while angry, doing so gives a foot hold to the devil (Ephesians 4:26-27).

Cleanliness issues aside (one would hope their spouse would be clean). If a mate has done, or is doing, something that annoys their spouse (such as watching porn, seeking out sexual liaisons with prostitutes), or any number of unresolved issues and/or passive aggressive problems, sex is the last thing on your mates mind! As their isn't unity within the marriage. While I support Christian psychological counseling, many married couples cannot afford such services. In any case, seeking resolve by communication, love, support, and prayer for God's wisdom (reading God's word), guidance, direction, provide a first priority, Godly solution.

Am I required by God to have sex with my spouse?

Yes. Except for a mutual time of fasting and prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5), a spouse is suggested by God's written word to have sex with their mate. I quote 1st Corinthians 7:3-4, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife." God designed sex to include not only a oneness of flesh (physical), when in the act of sexual intercourse. But oneness in intimate, spiritual, and emotional connection as well.

Therefore, a house divided against itself will fall. When a spouse does not build the "soul" of a relationship in accordance to God's will. Sex is a bore! When a wife is in conflict with her husband, and has sex under emotional distress, an aversion to sex can become the norm. One must seek a oneness with their spouse on all levels.

A woman must also relate to their male spouse needs, in that many males seek sexual expression as a way to connect. Constant rejection hurts a persons soul as well. Sex is most often the way in which some men feel comfortable in showing an expression of intimacy. However, without the emotional, and spiritual connections of sex, the act is void of connection.

This is why the husband must work on his own spiritual, emotional, personality flaws, as well as the wife, in order to grow and develop a healthy, loving, sex life. Self introspection is most important. Ever wonder why many men who pay for sex seek the "Girlfriend Experience"?

They desire connection, not just sex! It is a false connection they are willing to pay for, as they are deceived by Satan to exchange "lust connections" for true and Holy "intimacy connections". In the spiritual sense, most men and women need to connect on levels aside from the physical. Men in the grips of sexual addiction, simply do not know how to connect other than by physical expression. They are in the grips of sins pleasure. When one demands sex from their mate, they miss the expression of intimacy and "oneness"

Christ intended for sex to be holy, forming a united bond in marrage. You are to love your spouse as Christ loves the church (His sheep). Christ died on the Cross of Calvary for His elect lambs who call Him Lord.

Wake up! Your self centered sexual desires are really a search for love and intimacy as God intended. This is more than a physical expression of sexual interest.

When you a line yourself with God's will in accordance with His word, you will learn to place self sacrifice above your self interest. Read the Bible and you will discover this for yourself. Your spouse has a soul. Seek a soul relationship instead of a sexual relationship, and watch the sparks flow! This is the way God intended sex to be. A oneness of spirit that unites with a oneness of flesh in sexual physical expression.

Isn't sex within marriage a good thing?

Yes, sex within the Holy bonds of marriage is a very good thing. However, when one places their sex life above God, sex becomes an idol. Romans 12:1, Give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice unto God, the kind of which He finds acceptable.

Our life is not our own. When we give our life to Jesus Christ, we worship Him in spirit and in truth. If your sex life is in lack, look to the spiritual cause and reason why this is so. Temptation in life is a given, but God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure (1st Corinthians 10:13). Dependence on God's word helps us stay pure (Psalm 119:9). God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him (James 1:12).

Why would God create sex, if He doesn't want us to have sex?

God created sex, and sex His way, is Holy. Sexual intimacy within Biblical marriage (between a man and woman), is ordained by God. When sex becomes an obsession within our life, God is being replaced with an idol (see above answer). Idols deplete our spiritual connection to God and will ultimately, destroy us! Likewise, our marriages are destroyed by idols within our lives. As love for an idol, replaces the love one should have for their spouse. A spouse can feel used and abused when the sex act becomes more important than connecting through physical, intimacy expression. Sex void of love and intimacy is not of God.

Doesn't God promise to satisfy all our needs? Sex is a need, is it not?

Sex is a secondary desire, not a need. If placed in a life or death situation one would not be thinking about having sex. We must be careful not to confuse our desires with our needs. Food, water, shelter, are first priority life and death needs. While men do produce more testosterone, and crave sex more often than many women. Sex is not a life sustaining need.

God promises to take care of us, His children. Proverbs 10:8, Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. Ecclesiastes 1:8, confirms no matter how much we have we are never completely satisfied and content. Why? Because we have a sin based nature. When our soul (mind, will, emotions), becomes hungry. We often feed it with our sin based desires. Sex and pornography, drugs,alcohol,video games, shopping, etc...., instead of feeding our soul God's spiritual food.

Reading God's word is living and active. Prayer, praise, worship, brings forth the power of God's Holy Spirit, in turn filling you with peace, joy, contentment. Seeking to help others, giving instead of taking. John 4:14, Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within, giving eternal life. We learn, with God's help, to redefine our needs and desires. We learn to see God face to face and be satisfied (Psalm 17:15). God will satisfy our thirst and instead fill our hunger with good things (Psalm 107:9).

What does God's word have to say about our sexual needs and desires?

Mark 8:34, Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples (Jesus) said, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." Galatians 2:20, "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. When a person comes to Jesus Christ in complete surrender they want and desire God's will. While setting aside self promoting ambitions concerning your sex life.

You learn to work on your own personality problems (spiritual,emotional, physical), asking God to show you how to best love your wife. While praying for your marriage, family, and sex life to heal. Matthew 20:28, Even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. 1 Corinthians 10:24, Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others. Philippians 2:3,

Don't try to change your wife (the only person you can really change is yourself), ask God to help you both concerning your sex life, think of each other instead of your selfish desires. As James 3:16 confirms, Wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there will be disorder and evil of every kind. Give your sex life to Jesus Christ. He alone will provide you with a "love" that passes all understanding.

Why is viewing pornography considered cheating?

God considers any form of cheating a serious sin. Leviticus 19:11, Do not deceive or cheat another. Proverbs 11:1, The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but He delights in accurate weights. Your secret double life of sin filled sexual addiction provides proof, evidence of your lack of love for God and your spouse. As you are thinking only of your own self centered needs.

When you cheat on God (and His will for your life), you cheat yourself and all He has ordained for your life plan. Psalm 101:7, God does not allow deceivers to serve in His house, and liars will not stay in His presence.

What can I do to improve my relationship with my spouse?

The core of our personality is sin based in nature. When we give our life to Jesus Christ, He empowers us with His Holy Spirit to walk after righteousness. Selfishness is destructive. Genesis 13:8-11, provides us with a spiritual solution towards selfishness. Abram said to Lot, Lets not allow this conflict to come between us or our herdsmen. As we are close relatives. The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of land you want and we will separate. In turn, Lot took a long look at the fertile plains of the Jordan Valley, which he chose for himself. Abram took the higher ground spiritually.

Another example of wrong, selfish motives can be read in Genesis 27:35-37, 41, when Isaac confirmed, "Your brother was here, and he tricked me. He has taken away your blessing." Esau exclaimed, "No wonder his name is Jacob, for now he has cheated me twice. First he took my rights as the firstborn, and now he has stolen my blessing. Oh, haven't you saved even one blessing for me?" Isaac said to his son Esau, I have made Jacob your master and have declared that all his brothers will be his servants.

Esau hated Jacob and vowed to kill him, his own brother. Selfishness tears families, relationships, apart! Philippians 2:3, Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:6-8, Though He was God, Jesus did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges, humbled Himself in obedience, seeking God's will, not His own. In giving yourself completely to God, you learn to use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God (Romans 6:13).

Galatians 5:13, You have been called to live in freedom, but not use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, we are to use our freedom to serve one another in love. The best way to improve your relationship with your spouse is to love her as Christ loves us.

How can I change from addictions snare to living my life in accordance with God's will?

God desires us to change our sin based nature, living to become more like Him, in spirit and in truth. This means not only a sincere heart change, but behavior change as well. Luke 19:8, Zaccaeus stood before the Lord and confirmed he would give half his wealth to the poor, and if he had cheated people on their taxes, he would give them back four times as much! This is putting action behind your words. For faith without works is dead. We are to walk the talk, not just talk the walk.

When you give your life to Jesus Christ you do not change just to receive God's approval, but to respond to God's love. When you change your sexual addicted double life, you are responding to your wife and children, in love. You make the choice and God will help you make the change. For God who began this work within you will continue His work until it is finished and you are united with Him for eternity in Heaven (Philippians 1:6). God does not give up on you! It is my prayer you do not give up on Him.

Additional Biblical scripture references as they concern God's will, doctrines, of Husband and Wife relationship duties:

Pro. 5:18-19 / Eccl.9:9 / Mal. 2:15 / Rom.7:2 / 1st. Cor.7:3,10,12,13, 39 / Eph.5:22-25 / Col.3:18,19 / Tit.2:4,5 / 1st Pet.3:1-7 .

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